It is easy to feel un-whole, splintered, imperfect, undeserving, unlovable, the list could go on and on, when our bodies are not doing the one thing we were biologically programmed to do. We may wonder, where does this leave us, and our partners who we now believe are “saddled” to us.
Many have said that little girls grow up with dreams of white dresses and big weddings in their heads. I believe that as little girls we grew up with baby dolls in our arms, playing “house” in our mother’s cast off clothes, making dinners in our plastic kitchens. Little girls grow up wanting Cabbage Patch Dolls, and sitting on Santa’s lap begging for Chatty Cathy or an American Girl Doll. It’s so deep within our DNA that it’s an unconscious drive we follow from birth through death.
So when an illness of our body brings sadness and despair, it can be easy to see ourselves as less than we really are. In truth however, we are whole women–made possibly even stronger and wiser than women whose bodies function as if on auto-pilot. We are beautiful, and sensual, and are overflowing with love and nurturing from our very fingertips to our very toes.
We must stop seeing ourselves as less than we really are. We must stop seeing ourselves as failures. We must look ourselves in the mirror and see who we REALLY are: blessed with the courage and strength to walk through the dashing of dreams that are so deep in us they exist in our DNA. We are facing the darkest night and finding our way into the light.
And most importantly, we must see how lucky our husbands, boyfriends, and lovers are to be by our side on this journey. For our love spills out from its overflowing place onto all we touch. These men have found the rare gem amongst the thousands of grains of sand. They have found us; those God chose to carry a heavy burden with grace and dignity. Those God chose to sprinkle motherly love on things other than a child from our womb.