Saved from Drowning in Infertility

“He was completely blind when he saved this girl from certain drowning.”

– Caroline Levin

Perhaps the best title for this blog is “How Sophie saved me.”

You may be wondering what Sophie has to do with healing infertility, and just how she saved me. No, I wasn’t drowning, well at least not in the literal sense. I was however lost in a sea of self-pity.

You see Sophie is my first child. She’s got four legs, the softest brindle coat, and the quickest tongue this side of the Mississippi when she wants to kiss you. When she’s overjoyed she spins in circles, sometimes thrusting herself up into the air mid-spin (seemingly defying gravity).

Okay already you’re probably thinking, “So how did she save you?” Well, in Sophie’s fifth year of life I started noticing that she would jump and miss a ledge, I would throw a toy and she would search everywhere for it when it was sitting right in front of her, and one day, she refused to go outside. A trip to the vet ophthalmologist confirmed that Sophie was nearly blind, and soon would lose all sight. Sophie’s body failed her because of a genetic misstep. Still young, full of energy, and finding her happiest days racing around our wooded lot chasing squirrels and deer, she was now hesitant to go further than the first line of trees.

These days Sophie saves me every time she puts one little paw in front of the other and slowly climbs the stairs (unable to clearly see where they start or end). She saves me when she puts her head down, uses her nose, and ventures past that first row of trees (sometimes all the way to the back of the lot). Sophie saves me when she frantically, eagerly, and excitedly kisses the air knowing eventually she’ll land on the target.

You see, Sophie was completely blind when she saved this girl from certain drowning in the loss that comes with infertility. Her body may not function like it used to, like it’s supposed to, however she is not angry, she is not sad, she is not fighting reality. Sophie saw her fear, felt it, braved her way through it, and now she still jumps in the air and spins, even though she has no idea what may be there when she lands. My Sophie girl saved me. Now I remember to jump, and spin, and kiss with wild abandon–and to live fully no matter where I land.

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4 comments

  1. >This was so beautifully written. I just wanted to let you know that someone is out there reading and appreciating the things you have to say.

  2. >Beautiful. Teaches us to keep going.

  3. >Thank you, thank you, thank you V.B.

  4. […] have written before about how Sophie saved this girl (me) from certain drowning. And now, many months later, she continues to save me in small ways, every […]

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