Choosing Love over Fear: Navigating Fertility from Within

Really, all one has to do to transform their life, is remind themselves to think and behave a little bit differently, each day.


Those who have been participating in the Fertility Focus Teleseminars may have had the opportunity to listen to expert Sue Dumais on “Solving Your Fertility Puzzle” yesterday. I found Sue’s talk to be inspiring and transformational. Sue reminded me of the powerful choice we are presented with each and every day–to choose from love, or to choose from fear.

The concept of these two choices in life is one espoused by Don Miguel Ruiz in “The Mastery of Love.” Here are some of the distinctions Don Miguel makes between love and fear:

  • Love has no obligations. Fear is full of obligations
  • Love has not expectations. Fear is full of expectations
  • Love is based on respect. Fear doesn’t respect anything, including itself
  • Love is ruthless; it doesn’t feel sorry for anyone, but it does have compassion. Fear is full of pity, it feel sorry for everyone
  • Love is completely responsible. Fear avoids responsibility
  • Love is always kind. Fear is always unkind
  • Anger is nothing but fear with a mask. Sadness is fear with a mask. Jealousy is fear with a mask
  • Love is unconditional. Fear is full of conditions.

Neither love nor fear is “right” nor “wrong,” they simply exist. Both paths will eventually lead us to an endpoint; it’s how we reach that endpoint that may differ.

When on a path making choices from love, things will flow with ease to us, decisions will become readily clear, our “inner knowing” will emerge, and we will be led to follow our highest good with ease.

To live a life from the complete place of love would however be to reach the heights of Buddha or Mother Teresa. In our humanness we have likely (and will likely) at times made choices from fear. Fear that our eggs are dwindling by the minute, fear that if we don’t read this book, see that expert, or take a supplement our gut is telling us just doesn’t feel right; we will miss the small window we have to grasp our desires and pull them into our bodies. Fear that we will never have what our heart yearns for most.

Making choices from a place of fear is to be human. It can be important to remember that the path of fear is not “wrong” nor “bad” nor “less than.” This path is one that we choose to learn perhaps our greatest and deepest lessons.

Today I offer the simple awareness of the choice. When navigating the unchartered territory of fertility, perhaps take time today to look within and to ask yourself–am I making this choice from a place of love, or a place of fear? Then follow whatever path your heart leads you down.


Resources (thank you Liz): Don Miguel Ruiz Introduction, Don Miguel Ruiz Audio, The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship (Toltec Wisdom Book)

One comment

  1. What an excellent entry!
    It is so easy when you’re in a desperate place to make bad decisions based on fear. When you’re going through fertility treatments many doctors will basically ask you to ignore your instincts and trust them. Thank you for reminding me that my self love should far outweigh any fear I harbor of not having a family. No one knows my body better than I do, and I would rather my baby come from a loving treatment that engages my instincts than a fearful treatment that I do out of desperation.

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