I see you, I accept you, I feel your pain, and I forgive you for not being able to move past it yet.

“How far you get in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.”

~ George Washington Carver

Me as a Little Girl in Montana

As I climbed into my seat on the way to Montana a few days ago, next to me was a couple, about my age, and the women had an adorable little baby swaddled to her.

We chatted, I really enjoyed talking to them. And all of a sudden I noticed I felt nothing but happiness and sweetness for them all.

There was a time my heart would have hurt; a time my selfish jealousy would have created a barrier between me and them. Yet, that wall is no longer there. For I know, I really, really know, soon I will be them.

And the beautiful thing for me was I looked at that sweet baby face and I thought, wow I could love that face, no matter whether it looks like mine or not. The face didn’t matter, just that amazing baby smell and soft perfect skin.

There is a sweetness in reveling in the beauty of a woman being “mother.” What a road it has been for me to get to a place I can finally see that.

Now I know why all those nasty naysayers bothered me so much at first, because I have their voices in me too. For so long I wanted to put my pain on women who could easily conceive, I wanted to distance myself from them, hurt them like I was hurting.

And yesterday that beautiful little seven-week old baby taught me that I need to love them through their pain and judgment, just like I needed to be loved.

Those women don’t need to be deleted, they need to hear, “I see you, I accept you, I feel your pain, and I forgive you for not being able to move past it yet.”

Thank you little perfect being, for being my teacher. Soon I will have a little model of you too. 

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