“You do too much. Go and do nothing for a while. Nothing.” ― Lillian Hellman

 I had to chuckle a little when this quote came to me today as my “daily quote” from a post I subscribe to. It was like someone smacking me on the side of the head and saying “When are you going to learn already? You need to stop!”

Challenges in our lives, fertility or otherwise (for we all face challenges), are here to teach us something. These obstacles are signs along the road that we are veering off and coming dangerously close to the ditch.

Though it certainly does not feel like it many times, when it comes to fertility this “body talk” is a friend, a helper. The bigger our resistance to embracing the changes we need to embrace, the more stubbornly this helper will persist in reminding us just how much we need to.

The only way to describe how I have felt over the last six months is tired to the bone, dead tired, and completely exhausted. In fact, I think I have really felt that for most of the last two years. Those of you who have followed me for awhile know that I have posted more than once about stress, yet I am not very good at listening to my own advice.

I keep going and going, working and working, doing and doing, being there for everyone else at every moment and never there for myself. Now, I am hitting the wall face first and slowly sliding down to the floor.

I am over-committed, under-nourished, and my gas tank is below empty with the last fumes barely carrying one foot in front of the other. Yet, how do I stop?

How do I not call a friend who is facing a life-altering loss? How do I say “no” to lunch with another who only loves me and is hurt by my in-ability to be more present in her life? How do I cancel plans I have always kept because the hour and a half drive back and forth is simply too much? How do I spend an entire day in bed sleeping when I have the fifth revision of only the first chapter of my dissertation sitting in my “in box” and one of the best educational researchers out there anxiously awaiting the final version?

We are pushed and we are pulled, each in our own way. We are tugged at by the never ceasing need to do. How do we jump off the carousel when it is going round and round at 60 mph?

Yet if we don’t our bodies suffer, and our dream of becoming a mother can seem further and further away. For where in all this crazy frantic running, are we supposed to have time to build a new body from our depleted one?

Infertility is the greatest teacher of self-care, nurturing, and self-love that could ever come to our doorsteps. To become a vessel through which another being can come to life, we must have not only enough life of our own, but enough life for two. Now that’s some serious self-care!

With the long holiday weekend impending, I hope that each one of you takes a moment to contemplate what you can do to double your self-care. Already take one nap a week? Take two! Already indulge in a hot bath and a good book? Add some wine and chocolate to the routine!

As for me, I am going to take tomorrow off and “Go and do nothing for a while. Nothing.”


  1. I hope you were able to take some time and do nothing. You need to not only listen to your body but make it your number one priority. If you put yourself and your needs first you will still be able to do everything you need to, just you’ll be able to do it while feeling less stress and more happiness. It’s hard to do this but it is a NECESSITY! Enjoy your weekend!

  2. Thanks so much Dacia, I sometimes REALLY need that reminder. It’s 11:30am and I am still in my PJs so I am making my best attempt at relaxing 🙂

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