Healing Infertility Series: Step Four, Forgive and Then Forge Ahead

“Marriage becomes a series of surprises for most of us, and one of them is how frequently we need to forgive and be forgiven.”
Dr. Ed Wheat

Anyone who has been married, or in a long-term partnership, knows that one key element to relationship success is forgiveness. I am personally surprised just how often the opportunity, in reality the need, to forgive can arise.

Unlike our disconnected and fractured world, our bodies are intricately connected to all that makes us, well us. Our emotions impact our bodies. Our fears make manifest in physical form–often times in ailments.

One component of healing infertility, which can often be missed, is our emotional selves–specifically in relationship to our life partner, the future father of our children.

In my relationship there were old hurts, deep fears, and unresolved conflict that had wiggled their way in between my husband and me. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, he loves me, and we have a happy marriage. Yet there were invaders in the baby-making mix—insidious hidden ones. After being with one another for nearly nine years, how could there not be?

One of my favorite doctors, and writers, is Christine Northrup. Her book: Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom (Revised Edition): Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing, is another “must have” on every woman’s bookshelf.

On page 423 of Dr. Northrup’s books she outlines an “Integrative Program to Enhance Fertility” that I highly recommend. Step three is “make the connection between your emotions, your family, and your fertility.” This section can help you understand how internalized messages can affect fertility.

More specific to this post however, is this excerpt “…failing to explore psychosocial aspects of fertility is a big mistake and robs a woman of all her options. There’s no doubt that subconscious fears about having a child can and do exert a powerful influence over the subtle endocrinologic processes that are required for conception. Perceived stress changes the way the hypothalamus of the brain functions, which affects ovulation. It also changes the immunologic functioning of the cells in the reproductive tract as well as elsewhere” (p. 420).

When stress and fear enter into the mixture of a marriage, fertility can be impacted.

Today, take a few minutes to call to mind fears and old resentments that may still be lingering between you and your partner. Think about the amount of stress that either arguing, or stuffing to avoid arguing, can have on your body. Perhaps today is a day to talk about it, work it through, and to forgive each other.

The body, and your future baby, will thank you for it. Forgive, and then forge ahead.


  1. Mirabai Galashan · · Reply

    Beautifully put. It is so easy to behave as if our bodies are separate and immune from our emotions. Once I realized that our feelings are inextricably linked to measurable bio-chemical changes inside our bodies, it really helped me to take self-care and stress more seriously.

    1. Thank you beautiful woman. You have taught me a lot about this mind/emotion/body connection!

  2. […] long held, any negative accumulation of emotion between you and your partner, work through them now http://infertilityawakening.com/2011/06/16/healing-infertility-series-step-four-forgive-and-then-for… . Emotions ARE a part of our bodies. Those emotions can literally make us sick, and prevent us from […]

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