We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned,
so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
This quote sums up perhaps one of the most difficult lessons of my lifetime.
Letting go of the dream as we have dreamed it so that our life can unfold as it was meant to be lived, is a feat like no other!
Yet this feeling of control, it is nothing more than an illusion. When we hold so tightly to those “best laid plans” we hold on to something that really and truly is not there.
Fertility challenges are one of life’s greatest teachers. They come into our lives to teach us many, many things. And for me, the most difficult lesson, one that I continually strive to master, is that “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”
Letting go of those plans, of our need to control, does not mean that we are giving up; it does not mean that we no longer care. Letting go means just that, letting go–letting go of the fight against life’s natural momentum, and against that which is greater than us.
Letting go means allowing in the treasures that have been waiting just on the other side of our resistance. Letting go means living through the deconstructing of our dreams and plans.
We continue to move forward, to dream our dreams, yet we let go of our attachment to every detail of the design, and to our false sense of frantic, fear-driven urgency that we call control.
No matter the brilliance of the doctor, the success rate of the healer, or the care and concern we hold for ourselves, ultimately we simply cannot control the outcome of our womb.
So why not let go of the life we planned and grab ahold of the life that is waiting for us? Because you see, letting go does not equate to never being a mother, it simply equates to allowing your motherhood to arrive in just the right time, and in just the right way.
For truly, no matter how we try to trick ourselves, a child is not something we will ever, ever be able to effort into being of our own will (or that of our doctor). And this is for me, perhaps the most humbling lesson of all.
“Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes . . . . It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible–controlling that which we cannot–and instead, focus on what is possible–which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible”.
– Melody Beattie