This is one of those posts I probably should not write. One of those posts where I say things so politically incorrect that I may lose a subscriber or two over it.
Yet, if I don’t say it who will? If we cannot speak from our dark places, how can anyone else ever find the light to shine onto their own?
So today I would like to send a plea to the fertile friends who walk amongst us to please, oh please, press the pause button on your incessant talk about your children. About how incredible the bond of motherhood is. And about how there is nothing else in the world like it.
Please stop posting one photo and video after another of every single child, every single day, on your Facebook page. And please, pretty please, stop telling those of us who are on the other side that we should do this, or try that, and then one day we will be a mother too–and when we are we’ll understand.
We know your intentions are good. We know you love your children. Yet we also need you to step outside of your bliss bubble to come back to the land of the living every now and then.
It is fine to love your children, to share a picture or two, or a story or two, occasionally. Yet also please understand that one after another would feel to you like our sharing the details of every medical procedure and every test result every single time we talked–and then posting photos of negative HPTs, ourselves in the midst of a hot flash, or an up close shot of our bloated bellies on a day-to-day rotation.
We are more than our infertility and all we ask is that you remember that once you were more than a mother too. Once you were a woman who was our friend.
Remember when the beautiful boy you couldn’t imagine living without broke up with you? We shunned any word or topic containing men for at least three months. And the time your father passed away? We held hands while the tears fell and we recounted all of the precious moments fallen behind. I still don’t share stories about my father–knowing that it is too painful a reminder of what you have lost.
So why now when facing a broken body, and mourning the loss of biology’s greatest dream, do you only speak of babies?
Today my status update from the infertile side is a simple one: To my friends with children, whom I love dearly–please grant me one day, just one day, without a photo, video, or story about your child. Just one day.