Infertility: Conquering the “D” Word–Defeat

When I want something, I mean really, really want it, and I allow myself to get excited about the prospect that I will get it–allow myself to start believing it is mine, and then if I see it slipping away, the big “D” sneaks in. Yep, defeat comes a knocking.

I recently entered the Circle + Bloom Women’s Health Advocacy contest. This at first seemed like a nice way to support the importance of women advocating for themselves, and to possibly get a few extra bucks to help with the new computer I now need.

I realized however that the only way I would have a shot at winning is if I reached out to my friends and family–many of whom had no idea about my blog, or the details of our struggle to become parents. In order to win I needed to receive the most comments on my submission–I needed their help.

And so I shared what I had held so closely to my heart. It was a scary risk to come out from the shadows, to share those things that we women struggling to conceive understand without need for explanation, with others who cannot fully understand no matter how much they love us.

I may not win the competition. There are many other women with amazing stories (and one stiff competitor who’s rallied her troops :-), whom I am simply lucky to be among.

What I have learned from this however, is that even if I don’t win, I won.

You see defeat is a matter of perspective. Reading through the comments made on my submission from other women on this same journey, and from friends and family, I found myself truly humbled. I have been touched, lit up, and encouraged by each person who took the time to share a piece of them in support of me. What more could I ask for? OK maybe the $250, but that’s the icing on an already delicious cake.

On the path to parenthood there will be inevitable disappointment, likely lots of disappointments–month after month. Yet each of those let downs are merely pit stops along the way. Each may be an opportunity to shift our perspective, to start seeing the grace that has come in tandem with the fall.

Nothing in our lives is ever taken away from us without something of equal or greater measure coming in return. With patience we see the circle complete.

When defeat comes knocking at your door, perhaps next time try welcoming it in. When we sit down with our disappointments the friendships we forge may bring us greater gifts than we ever before imagined.


  1. I really love this post. You put it so elequently. I also believe that something that at first looks bad can turn out to be good. Good luck in the competition!

    1. Thanks so much Heather. Good luck to you as well!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: