Infertility: Sometimes we need to change our program and move on

“If you reach for something and find out it’s the wrong thing, you change your program and move on.”

― Hazel Scott

Today as I strolled through the mall waiting for an old computer to (hopefully) be returned from the land of the not-so-living, I saw a mother and her daughter (probably two-years-old). The little girl was giggling wildly and in her best attempt going just as fast as her little legs would take her.

In that moment I was struck by my reaction. Suddenly the only thought in my head was “I want that.” Not I want to get pregnant, or I want to have a child who looks like me, laughs like my husband, and who grew in my womb. In that moment my heart’s deepest desire sprung forth–quite unexpectedly. All I wanted was to experience the magic between a mother and her daughter.

Each of us will have these moments in our lives–moments when the thing we thought was the right thing, suddenly appears to be not so on target. In those moments it is important to listen to the whispers of clarity, and to find the strength and courage to change our program and move on.

I grew up like so many others, watching that dramatized moment where the wife says to the husband “let’s make a baby.” He smiles, they laugh, and bada bing, bada bang, they have a baby.

So when conception became confounding I found myself speechless. How do I express my hearts desire in words I have never heard spoken?

Today the tiny voice in my ear showed me the way to my own star. It is not the North star, not the one that most people will follow when lost, yet it is mine.

Sometimes our hearts will show us that what we are reaching for is the wrong thing. When they do we need to change the program and move on. In the story of my life today my script changed.

Today I said to my husband “let’s make a family,” he smiled, we laughed, and bada bing, bada bang, when the time is right we’ll have a baby.

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4 comments

  1. Very moving in many ways. I couldn’t read and not comment.

    1. Thank you for your sweet words Becky. Hugs to you and all your beautiful girls!

  2. I love that quote. And it is so true. Sometimes we do have to change the program. I hope you get to experience that magic soon.

    1. Thanks so much Heather. I too love that quote.

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