Infertility & Hiding: Come out, come out wherever you are

A few days ago, after a really tough blow, I committed myself to the corner in the ring. I crawled over, lifeless and defeated, and let my head flop on the ropes.

That was then. Today it is time for all of us to “come out, come out, wherever you are.”

When playing hide and seek with a friend’s little girl I always love her naive innocence in thinking that because she cannot see me, that means I cannot see her. Hiding behind the curtain, shaking it as her little body giggles, she is so delighted when I give up and say the magical words “come out, come out, wherever you are.”

We too can be like my little friend at times. We hide behind the disappointments, the knock-out punches of infertility, thinking that no one can see us behind the magic curtain–but they can.

So today, I am giving myself until the count of three to come out. And I am giving all of you until the count of three to emerge as well. LIfe sees us hiding behind the curtain, and it will not stop moving forward just because we refuse to peek out.

Life keeps moving on and so too must we. Another Proposal, months of work to be re-done, dwindling money to fund it, and none left for any pursuits of our dreams of becoming parents, makes me want to hide behind the curtain.

But I won’t.

I am coming out because no matter what, no matter how many people try to dash my dreams, no matter how impossible it is for me to get pregnant, or for us to afford adoption, no one, not any one person out there, will make me give up.

I will not stop until I find a way to the end of my PhD program, and to the beginning of motherhood. I will not stop and I know you will not either.

So come out, come out wherever you are. You have until the count of three and then I’m coming in after you.

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2 comments

  1. “It is often the final key in the bunch that opens the door”
    I think you have been through a lot, and I really admire you for not giving up.
    In fact that is part of the reason I get so irritated with people who say “just relax” because they don’t realise how active this whole process is. It takes effort to keep trying.
    I’m cheering for you. 🙂

    1. Thank you Heather, your fortitude is inspirational–it’s wonderful to see women who have tried so hard for so many years finally see their dreams of motherhood coming to fruition!

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