Infertility & Christmas: Sadness, Solitude, and Fate

“It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living. Because we are alone with the unfamiliar presence that has entered us; because everything we trust and are used to is for a moment taken away from us; because we stand in the midst of a transition where we cannot remain standing. That is why the sadness passes: the new presence inside us, the presence that has been added, has entered our heart, has gone into its innermost chamber and is no longer even there, – is already in our bloodstream. And we don’t know what it was. We could easily be made to believe that nothing happened, and yet we have changed, as a house that a guest has entered changes. We can’t say who has come, perhaps we will never know, but many signs indicate that the future enters us in this way in order to be transformed in us, long before it happens. And that is why it is so important to be solitary and attentive when one is sad: because the seemingly uneventful and motionless moment when our future steps into us is so much closer to life than that other loud and accidental point of time when it happens to us as if from outside. The quieter we are, the more patient and open we are in our sadnesses, the more deeply and serenely the new presence can enter us, and the more we can make it our own, the more it becomes our fate.” 
― Rainer Maria Rilke

One of my dearest friends sent me a card with another beautiful quote from Rainer Maria Rilke. What a gift she has given me at Christmas–introducing me to Rilke.

When I stumbled across this quote from Rilke it felt like coming home.

For those of us facing challenges in conceiving, Christmas can be a time of abundance, love, blessings, laughter, and joy. Yet it can also be a time of grieving and sadness.

In order to open the doors to our futures, we must be willing to sit quietly with the sadness, to welcome it into our hearts.

I know your pain, I know your ache, I know the hollowness that can accompany your very soul into family gatherings filled outwardly with so much joy. I know the hole that is within you, so eager to be filled.

Yet I also know that the “seemingly uneventful and motionless moment when our future steps into us is so much closer to life than that other loud and accidental point of time when it happens to us as if from outside. The quieter we are, the more patient and open we are in our sadnesses, the more deeply and serenely the new presence can enter us, and the more we can make it our own, the more it becomes our fate.” 

If your deepest desire is to be a mother, a mother you shall be. Remain open to your dream, and to it’s quiet unfolding in the very core of your being.

And this holiday season make room for some solitude and space for your sadness. It has come to prepare the way for the unfamiliar presence that has entered you to make a home so that it may become your own–even before it becomes your fate.

Advertisements

6 comments

  1. This is beautiful. Hugs and blessings to you this Christmas. If you are interested, I have been reading a book called “Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow” that talks of this patience and openness to sadness as part of a transformative experience.

    1. Thank you CK. I will check that book out, and very much appreciate the suggestion! A very merry Christmas to you–filled with wonders and blessings.

  2. This is a brilliant quote. It is so good to accept those feelings and love them for what they are so that only then are we open to the new stuff.
    I also think we open ourselves to the good things before they happen. It’s like you believe it is going to happen before it does. If you read the post before I found out I was pregnant I was buying books on babies and pregnancy. I guess I was in that place.
    There is also this very good book about this Australian who has to go on this trip across Australia that I did in school (sorry, forget the name) and the theme was that suffering was like becoming – a process. It’s all growth.
    I think I’m rambling too much. But you really write well you know. I can tell you are a PhD student. 🙂

    1. Yes I definitely agree with you Heather, we must pave the way for the miracles in our lives to take root. It is a slow process living into the day they arrive!

  3. Abigail Miller · · Reply

    Thank you do much/ I just found your blog. I have been feeling like my heart was breaking this Christmas. This was what I needed to hear.

    1. I am so glad that these words found you when your heart needed to hear them. May warmth and love enfold you today and always when you travel into the darkness. And may you know that the light will always return.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: