Traveling through the experience of infertility leads women down many varying paths. Some will find motherhood through conception, others through adoption, and still others will come to realize that motherhood, at least in the 24/7 sense, will not be a part of their life’s story.
Regardless of how this chapter of our lives ends, there will always be a piece of us forever changed for the imprint it has left.
At times, often in surprising and out of the blue sorts of ways, we will be pulled back into the winter storm of infertility; into the time in our lives when our heart was broken open and we had to question life’s biggest questions from the depth of our soul. Is our deepest desire to mother, and if so how far are we willing to go to satiate that desire?
So when friends innocently share a beautiful moment of making snow angels with their daughter we may find ourselves feeling, well a bit left out in the cold.
When these moments come perhaps the best thing we can do is to embrace them. Allow ourselves to feel the ache, to experience the anger, to indulge a bit in the jealousy. Allow all of those feelings to surface and be seen.
Giving space to the wide expanse of our emotions allows them to flap their wings in fervor so that they may then settle back down into a quiet nest within us.
Feel your feelings, mourn the loss of snow angels in moonlight, and then move on from the winter back into the warm rays of summertime contentment.
Those of us journeying through infertility will all, at some point, stand face to face with the question: what if I never make snow angels in the moon glow?
Allowing ourselves to mourn the need to even contemplate such a question will give us the freedom to release all of the stored up hurt and move on, into the rest of our lives.