Infertility and the Mean Green Envy Machine: Even the Hulk’s no Match

There is a two-headed, out-of-this-world, loud, terrifying, green monster that can attack, sometimes unexpectedly, on the road to motherhood. The monster is all of these beastly things and more. Yet even when it is in the room with many other people, we can be the only one who sees it.

What it this atrocity? No, not the Loch Ness Monster, it’s the Mean Green Envy Machine!

Envy is an emotion we may be ashamed to admit. There are many “shoulds” involved with envy and jealously–“I should be happier for her,” “I should be open to listening to the story about how she got pregnant the first month they tried,” or “I should have empathy for how hard it was for them when it took so long to get pregnant–6 months.”

The Mean Green Envy Machine churns away in our head, and in our hearts, and we wage a mighty war against its presence–we must slay the dragon!

Today I would like to suggest a different path. The next time the Green Envy Monster rears its ugly head, try giving it a big ol’ hug.

Make peace with this aspect of who you are (though I do not recommend you feed it, for like a stray cat if you put out food and a water bowl it will make your heart its home). If you can embrace this part of yourself, as with all of the other parts, you stop fighting the natural flow of the healing process.

You see the ugly green monster, when treated with love and tenderness, melts away into the abandoned puppy left alone on the cold, hard cement floor of the shelter kennel. Under the fire breathing dragon is a hurting heart and a tender spirit.

Be kind and gentle to all of the aspects of yourself that make themselves known on your path to healing. Love them, thank them for their message, and set them free. For even the ugliest green monster is no more than a soft teddy bear in disguise.

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2 comments

  1. beckyborgman · · Reply

    This was great for me to read after this weekend. I threw a baby shower for a wonderful friend and I did really well with it. I sat in a room where literally, 20% of the women were pregnant or had just had a baby and did well with it. I sat there as at the end of the shower another one annouced her pregnancy and did okay with it. I spent the entire night listening to 2 women who are both 35 weeks compare pregnancy stories and did not blame them but I did not do okay with it…at all. Oh, and I didn’t mention that I also start my period that same day. I held up most of the day and just had to go up my room and cry. I needed that. I needed to let myself be jealous and feel sorry for myself after a very hard day. I woke up the next morning and it was gone. But I know the moster will be back so thank you for letting me embrace that need!

  2. Well I would say that you more than held up through it all. You did wonderfully, and you did even more wonderfully in letting yourself release the green monster 🙂 You gave to your dear friend, and the pregnant women, all you could. And then you went home and gave yourself a good cry–truly nurturing. Thank you for sharing!

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