You have to leave the ground to learn to fly: Infertility & moving on, for the first time in my life I’m not afraid

 Goodnight
Goodnight to the city and the sea
To the strangers in the street
Goodnight to the ghost out in the hall
The paint peeling off the walls
Goodnight

Sometimes I stand between the sidewalk and the sky
And just stare into the clouds as they pass by
You have to leave the ground to learn to fly

Goodnight to the TV and the clocks
To the rain that never stops
Goodnight to everyone I know
Shut my eyes and let ’em go
Goodnight

Sometimes I stand between the sidewalk and the sky
And just stare into the clouds as they pass by
You have to leave the ground to learn to fly

There is something beautiful dying every day
And for the first time in my life I’m not afraid
‘Cause there’s nothing in this world that doesn’t change

Goodnight to the person I have been
To the place that I am in
Goodnight tomorrow, hello to the sun
Are you ready? Here I come
Goodnight

Sometimes I stand between the sidewalk and the sky
And just stare into the clouds as they pass by
You have to leave the ground to learn to fly

You have to leave the ground to learn to fly

Are you ready? Here I come

Goodnight

– ZOX

This song is one of my favorite songs. It is the song my mind wanders away to when seeing visions of walking the floor every night to the lullaby of sweet baby sleep.

When struggling to conceive we often find ourselves standing between the sidewalk and the sky–just staring at the clouds of dreams as they pass by. And sometimes, we need to leave the ground to learn to fly.

You see every single day there is something beautiful dying. Every single day there are dreams that pass away before ever having breathed a breath. Yet, perhaps it is time, for the first time in our lives, not to be afraid.

There is not one single thing in this world that does not change. Not one desire that does not either fulfill or pass away. So as an old day ends, and the precipice of another begins, we can either say goodnight to the person we have been and hello to the sun of our tomorrow, or we can turn a blind eye to the horizon and sit sulking in the dark of the past. Either way the calendar will take a turn and another day will begin. 

I have lived much of my life afraid. Afraid that things I yearned for would never come to pass, afraid that they would. Afraid that my heart couldn’t hold another breaking, and afraid that there was not enough love in the world to make it whole. Afraid to let go of all of the efforting and ease my tightly balled fist to release the outcome of all of those things I truly cannot control. Afraid to believe that they just may come to pass.

Yet, for the first time in my life I’m not afraid. You see the secret many of us have yet to see is that something beautiful dies every day in order to make room for something even more spectacular.

Let love in, let the wonder in, let the dying happen so that the living, truly living, can finally begin.

Are you ready? Here I come!

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