“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
– Martin Luther King, Jr.
As I laid there, trying, trying oh so hard, to enjoy my massage, my mind was running around like it was filled with a fleet of wild monkeys.
The day before, the day after Valentine’s Day, my dissertation Chair had regretfully informed me that now my second research site may be problematic. So, there I laid, thinking about the year of my life I have put into my now approved dissertation proposal, and the fact that I have no where to do my research.
Some may remember that the first program backed out on the heels of me finalizing my proposal, resulting in me spending 10-12 hours a day for 2-3 weeks over my Christmas holiday re-writing a good portion of the proposal. That experience was possibly one of the worst of my life. And here I am, again, finding myself in the same sinking rowboat.
Yet, here’s the thing, when life is the hardest we are never, ever abandoned.
First, there came the random comment from a store clerk “you’re a teacher aren’t you?” Completely out of the blue, the comment took me off guard. He had no reason for saying it, he just thought that my face, and my demeanor was that of a teacher. Yes, I hear you whispering angels, this lesson is yet another one I am meant to learn so that I may teach it. Like a tiny whisper (well maybe not such a quiet one) “Shannon, keep going, you are walking the path you are meant to be walking.”
And then, that same night, my true gift arrived. The invitation to join a dear friend, whom I have not seen in years, in Grand Cayman. She already paid for the room at the five-star resort, all I had to do was buy an airline ticket and show up. The kicker is that she had absolutely no idea what was going on, she just thought of me and so sent an email to an old friend.
You see, I have fought the good fight. I have knocked down every opponent and crawled to the corner bloody and bruised. Yet this time I just didn’t have enough in me to even lift my head from the mat. And so, respite came.
When you are fighting the fight of infertility. When you are feeling every single let down, every single perceived failure, and years upon years of disappointment and pain, you too may reach the point when you feel you have nothing left. There is not one more ounce of sweat, which can pour from your forehead, not one more ounce of blood left to give. At times like those you will find, if you open yourself up to them, people (strangers and friends) will come into your life to hold you up.
When life is the hardest, we are never, ever abandoned. As for me, I booked my ticket and I’m heading to Grand Cayman to recover!