Marital stress & infertility: Why isn’t he talking?

All a girl wants is just for her hubby to sit down and have a nice long talk about everything fertility related. Let’s talk about feelings, emotions, and all that we’ve been through together.

Can’t we just talk?

I’m guessing at this point any man reading this blog has departed. OK good, we’re alone now.

Here’s the thing, men + talk = not so much. Whether infertility, our frustrations with our sister, or why the dog keeps digging up the tulips, most men would rather send us to the spa, dial our sister’s telephone number and hand the phone to us, or go out and plant more bulbs, than sit and chat about it all over tea.

And so, arguments can ensue.

Perhaps however, what we need to remember is how much good it does our soul to spend the day being pampered, or how happy our heart feels when our favorite purple tulips spring from the ground, and even the peace that comes from working things out with family. We need to remember the little things.

A few days ago my husband helped me put together the crib a friend had given to us. At first I was frustrated because I had to ask him numerous times to do it, and we always end up bickering about the right way to construct something. But then I looked up at him with his tools, all of the bolts and pieces, and a fierce determination to do this right, and my heart softened.

Later when he took the sweet, soft stuffed lamb downstairs to put new batteries into it, emerging later to inform me that the lamb has a heartbeat, or whale sounds, or ocean sounds, when you turn it on, and then discovering he had perfectly attached it to the crib, I realized that I don’t really care if he’s talking anymore. In that moment I’m not sure that I’ve ever loved him more.

Men talk every day, sometimes they just don’t use words.

So perhaps the next time that you need to vent, to cry, or to talk through all of your frustrations and heartache, pick up the phone a dial a friend.

And when you catch yourself ready to chastise your husband for his lack of skills in the communication department, sit still and quiet long enough to listen to him talking, for surely he has been. Listen to how he speaks to you through his actions. In the end, aren’t those more important than words anyway?

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