A friend of mine, who has also struggled with infertility, and I used to have a standing joke with each other–that babies love fat. With all of the hormonal fluctuations, lethargic metabolism, and maxed out Adrenal function that has been thrown into “survival mode,” our bodies were no longer those of our svelte 20-year-old selves.
Babies love fat.
For a few years I felt angry at those extra inches, I disdained the jeans that no longer fit. The ones that now made me look like a ten pound sausage in a five pound package.
When did this happen? When did I start looking at myself in the mirror and so harshly judging the image that stared back? Just where did that fat come from?
Well, every woman struggling with infertility knows just the time. It was as soon as the baby quest began and we unknowingly signed up for the “hormones gone wild” reality TV show.
While finally taking a long overdue, by about three years, vacation away to do nothing but completely relax, I got a gleam of insight, and a change to my perspective. I was reading “The Help” and one of the main characters was “talking” about how babies love fat. They love to snuggle into it, to be coddled by it, to be embraced in the warmth of a softer body–devoid of the hard, boney edges of youth.
And just then I began to realize that yes, babies do like fat.
Our society has too long worshiped a woman who is curve-less; a woman who is no longer soft around the edges, but who is driven to meet an expectation that her biology is fighting tooth and nail against. Why? Well, because although babies love fat, we do not.
So while I still am not completely pleased with what my body has become, I have found gratitude for its biological wisdom.
And yes, I do still plan to work my way back up to running three miles at least three times a week again. I will however do so slowly, listening to my body that has been so badly abused these last years.
Yet at the same time I will also learn to love the “me” in the mirror, the one who nature has shaped and molded to comfort and soothe a tiny person longing for warmth, softness, and some cushion. Because babies love fat, they just do.