For my recent birthday a dear friend of mine gave me a beautiful picture of an angel with one hand raised to her lips in a silent “shhh,” and the other holding a baby. The angel was in motion as though on a secret mission to deliver the world’s greatest gift.
I love that picture. I know just where the picture will go–in our baby’s room. And I know that picture will be the one I use to illustrate the story of how our son or daughter was our wish come true, a gift from the angels.
“Mommy, where did I come from? Why didn’t I come from your belly?”
“Oh you were a very, very special delivery. You came from the angels, see just like that picture. The angels brought you special delivery to your birth mommy, who loved you so much that she carried you to me, your forever mommy. That’s how special you are, very, very special.”
As we begin our journey to the angel’s delivery of our child, my eyes are opening to the incredible blessing of adoption. Our child may not look like us. Our child will not grow in my womb, or be lovingly patted by my husband through the safety provided by my body. Yet our child has been growing in our hearts for many, many years–the love multiplying and dividing as though the most complex math equation designed to reach infinity.
And with 37 years of wisdom, and many years of unsuccessfully TTC, behind me I am realizing that for me, perhaps my love for our child–special delivery from the angels–will be far greater than it would have been had they come to us in a more “traditional” manner.
When walking the lifetime journey of infertility, for even those of us who conceive will forever hold this aspect of ourselves close by, we are broken where we need to be broken, and we are healed where we’ve long needed healing.
One day, when I sit rocking my child, telling them the story of how they were a very special delivery from the angels, through two mommy’s who will forever love them–because they were simply too deserving to only be loved by one–I know, with total certainty, that the only feeling filling me will be gratitude.
“Mama, tell me again how I’m your wish come true.” “Of course my little love, never has a child been loved as much as the angels, your birth mommy, and I, love you. So one day . . . .”