When I began this long life experience of infertility I had no idea where the yellow brick road would lead me. I had no idea how our story would end.
Would we be one of those couples who experienced a “miracle” and conceived against all odds? Would we make the decision to adopt and find a love greater than we ever thought possible? Would we discover that our lives felt truly complete without a little human being in it? How would our story unravel to its back cover?
And so, I lived in my “now,” remained open to the “how,” and welcomed whatever miracles, in whatever form, the future might bring.
Part of remaining open, for me, was creating a vision board; creating a place where I could dream my biggest dreams, and leave them open for the swirling, whirling angels to lead them to fulfillment.
After several vision boards, and several opportunities to see how what we once envisioned one way can show up just as we asked, yet in a completely different package, you think I would have learned.
You see our dreams; they are there for a reason. Our deepest desires are always planted alongside the seeds of the courage and determination that it will take to reach them. What can be easy to forget however, is that sometimes, when those seeds sprout, the flowers that bloom are of hues quite different than what we thought they would be when the hard pebbled seeds were planted.
On my vision board I had all things baby, and pregnancy, and breastfeeding. And so, when we made the decision that our child was made to find us through the path of adoption, I found myself grieving the experience of pregnancy, but also, perhaps even more, the experience of breastfeeding. The opportunity to experience the closest possible bond between two human beings would forever evade me. How could that be when I had so prominently asked the universe, God, the angels, all that is bigger, greater, and more powerful, for this one gift?
So today, with the sun shining brightly and the spring flowers all popping through the ground in full bloom, I see clearly how my seeds have flowered into a rainbow of colors that I never even thought existed. My deepest desires can come true, just not always in the way I had imagined them.
Breastfeeding and adoption, two words I never, in a million years, would put together. Yet two words, which absolutely can go together.
Today I learned that adoptive mothers can, and are encouraged to–for the health of the baby and themselves–breastfeed (thank you La Leche League). Go figure.
Yes, a woman who did not give birth can naturally (without drugs) breastfeed a child. I know that to some out there this concept may seem “weird,” yet it is simply a woman’s body doing what a woman’s body is made to do–provide the best possible nutrition to their child–regardless from whose womb the child sprung.
And so, if I can hold a brand new life in my arms, have my child who was made just for me as a gift from a phenomenally strong woman, and have the experience of bonding with that child through breastfeeding, then miracles do happen. Sometimes they are just packaged differently that we expected them to be.
When you think about it however, isn’t the gift underneath the package always SO much more exciting than the wrapping?
Infertility and unexpected miracles, today I learned that it is ok to the expect them.