Infertility: When what’s natural becomes completely unnatural

If you think about it, a person would be hard pressed to find anything else in life that goes so against the natural, biological, order than infertility. From a biological standpoint the one thing that women’s bodies are actually made to do, thanks to infertility, has become unnatural.

We spend all of our early years of life suffering through painful periods, embarrassingly bad timed visits from Aunt Flo during gym class, and later we do our best to avoid pregnancy, because it can happen so easily. And then one day we wake up, ready to do what comes naturally, and we find out that for us unlucky few, it is now unnatural.

Understanding just how deeply this desire is ingrained into our biology, into the very make-up of who we are as physical beings, can be important to nurturing our pain.

You see, our loss, our devastation when faced with a diagnosis of infertility, is so, so, so much more than skin deep. For us, what’s natural has now become completely unnatural.

And so, we can heal our emotions, we can heal our bodies to the best of our capability, and we can heal our relationships, yet we may never be able to fully heal the biological wound; the genetic imperative left forever un-satiated.

Knowing this truth can be important to understanding why, even when we have found peace and happiness, a part of us always feels lost.

And knowing from whence the ache emerged, and where it has settled for our lifetime, helps us to understand just why, out of nowhere, in the midst of a seemingly happy day in a seemingly happy life, we experience a deep pang of sadness when a pregnant woman crosses our path. Maybe, just maybe, we always will.


  1. Rebecca · · Reply

    I seem to have loads of friends on facebook currently putting on photos of there growing tummys and I have many ladies pregnant all around me. Its hit me hard and I have been feeling sad for the last few days… incrediable as I had just watched the movie “how to heal your life” and was feeling so positive. Your right, it is a pang of sadness, deep in your heart.

  2. I hear you Rebecca. It doesn’t even take the “real thing” to set me off. Last night I was helping my husband with something on the computer and an ad popped up with a pregnant woman saying “expecting twins?” and I literally had to walk away. Before IF I had no concept that something so seemingly benign could cause such an “ouch.” Hugs to you.

  3. Sometimes I think that the whole concept of healing is misguided. Perhaps everyone has some wounds that will never be completely healed. We learned to live with our wounds–they won’t control us, they won’t define us, but they are there nonetheless.

    1. Wonderfully put Sarah. Thank you.

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