How we grow through infertility: I lost 10 inches and 3 years in one cut

Yes, that’s right, it’s gone. Three years of struggle, of heartache, of disappointment, of failing, of feeling left behind, all gone. And along with it, 10 inches of hair.

I feel the shift. My life is turning a page. One chapter is coming to a beautiful conclusion, and the next is opening on the perfect note.We are moving forward to starting our family through adoption. I finally feel peace, real peace.

And so, today they said “you need 10 inches to donate to Locks of Love” (a non-profit that takes hair donations to make wigs for children with cancer). And I said “go for it!” And they did.

In one cut 10 inches of my hair, and the three years I had spent growing that hair, along with the three years I myself had spent growing, left me.

Sometimes we need to be willing to chop it off. Sometimes we need to be willing to walk through the fire, feel the burn, and be scorched to our core, in order to emerge on the other side a new woman. And sometimes we need to cut away the pieces that remain with us after the fire has been doused by love, acceptance, and forward momentum, in order to start anew.

When it is time, we know. We know because when they say “it takes 10 inches of letting go” we smile and say happily, “take it, I don’t need it anymore.”

And so, the page turns and the next story begins to be written, and along with it new growth emerges in the empty space.

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6 comments

  1. I’ve done that! Doesn’t it feel amazing?

    I’m so glad you’re moving forward with the adoption process. I wish you nothing but the best in your journey.

    1. It does feel amazing Daryl. Wonderful to give to a child, and wonderful to shed the past in such a tangible way. Thanks so much for your well wishes!

  2. Good for you on both counts – the hair and thought shift. I’ve donated twice now and am working on a third. It’s nice to know I’m getting more than just a haircut!

    1. I completely agree! It’s great to do something good with something that otherwise would just go to nothing. This donation was my second as well, and no doubt I will make another if I decide to start growing it out again.

  3. Years ago, I tried to break up with a boyfriend. Actually, I did break up with him, but I couldn’t let go of him. I kept sleeping with him, even though I knew the relationship was going nowhere and was bad for me to boot. I kept trying to make myself break up with him, but I just couldn’t.

    And then, one day, I just knew I could let him go. When I was ready, it was easy.

    It sounds a little like what you’re going through right now. You’re ready for change, and it’s easier to move on. I’m so excited for what this new chapter brings to you!

    1. Sarah, your analogy is a wonderful one! I have always said that we do what we need to do, we keep repeating/going back to what we need to repeat/go back to, until we are done with it. And when we’re ready to let go, we just know, and we let go.

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