Infertility: The End.

I am not one to write of doom and gloom. Not one to write about the ending. I am so much more adept at the beginning, at the journey, at the hope that the process ushers forth.

Yet life, every single life, has an ending.

And so today when I received an email at work, informing us that a member of our work family had passed away Tuesday after a car accident, I could not escape the need to ponder, for a moment, on the end.

Sometimes we forget, actually far too easily we forget, how precious just one more day is. How important just one more breath is. Or how fleeting our worries, our cares, our burdens are when the final curtain closes.

This father of two did not know when he shut his car door that he would never open it again. He did not know when he last spoke to his wife, those words would be their goodbye. And he did not know that he would never walk his daughter down the aisle or celebrate his son’s first “real” job.

He did not know. And neither do we.

So sometimes we need to stop. We need to press pause. We need to re-evaluate the weight of our days, the heaviness of one more try, one last time.

Sometimes we need to realize that even a sunrise is a treasure beyond any other in our world of tangible goods. Just one more day is worth all of the dreams any tomorrow will ever hold.

Infertility is hard. Seeing our dreams shattered is devastating.

Yet today, I woke up. Today I walked my dogs in the morning mist. Today I kissed my husband goodbye. And today I wrote a letter to my future child. Today I got to try again.

Don’t waste a day. Make sure you get the gift before it is gone. The gift of just one more of everything, every single time you get it.


  1. It’s spooky you wrote this post. My friend is writing a list of ’30 things to do before 30′ and since my goals are bigger and I don’t have long left til then she said ‘Why don’t you write a list of things to do before you die?’ My reply was, ‘That’s pointless I could die tomorrow for all we know. How can I fulfil that?’

    It’s so true. We don’t know how long we have left. That’s why as hard as it is to swallow it, I know that after these two years of trying I might have to let go.. like really let go of having my own child.. because I don’t want this sadness in me for years to come. I’d rather throw that energy into my marriage.. into love.. into something else achievable. (Sorry long ramblings as I’ve been thinking about this lots the last few days)

    1. No apologies necessary, I completely understand your feelings. It can be so very hard to know when it’s time to let go, time to move on. Some can master finding joy along with constantly TTC, I didn’t do so well at that. For me, happiness came when I put away the BBT chart, yet that was not easy, and took the time that it needed to take. I think you will just know when/if you’re ready. You will just know.

  2. Excellent post, Shannon.

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