Infertility: When should we stop trying?



Everything turns out good in the end, and if it’s not good, it’s not the end.

– The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel




One question I have heard many, most, ok probably all, women facing infertility pose is: when should we stop trying? When is the end? Where is the stop sign planted? Just where is the red light that if we blow through it, we’re sure to get a ticket?

And along the way we all learn that for each of us, that stopping point is different. Life is far too intricate and complicated for a one size fits all solution to the age old infertility question; when have we reached the end?

So how do we move through the troubled waters between here and there? How is it that those on the other side have survived, and just how do we navigate the currents to reach their shore?

One thing I do know–one thing of which I am certain–is that everything turns out good in the end, and if it’s not good, it’s not the end.

Unfortunately this does not mean that every one of us will start our family through our womb, however it does mean that, as the saying goes, all roads lead to Rome.

We are all charted to the destination of happiness. We are all on the road to joy filled days and peaceful nights. We are all journeying to “good.”

So why is it that some get there faster than others? That one is simple–because that is their journey, which even though they conceive, may still not be the end.

What matters most is our focus on what’s good. What matters is the perception with which we chose to view our life lens. What matters is our willingness to see all that is good, right here, right now.

You see “good” is not the destination, “good” is the journey. And the lesson of infertility is not about when we stop; it is about when we learn to see just how good life is in the meantime.

And so, I would encourage you to turn your question on its head. Rather than asking when you should stop trying, perhaps the question should be when you should start seeing just how good life already is–every step of the way, regardless of the outcome.

And that is no easy mountain to climb.

And that is the journey of all life struggles, including infertility.

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