So yes, I am back. Returned from the no-blogging-land of those who just can’t find any more words in their writing Scrabble set. I’m back!
Who, what, where, why, how?
Well, I just could not sit quietly (I’ve never really been good at quiet). Though not blogging I have been reading the blogs of so many of you out there on the journey through infertility. I have been hanging out in the ethers wondering, what next?
And then I read a blog post by a blogger that I don’t follow too much, and whose blogs have often frustrated me. It’s nothing personal, she’s a wonderful writer, she’s been through a lot, and a ton of people follow her blog–way more than who follow me. So what is it that just turns me off?
I got it!
It’s the constant simmering in life’s sour sauce.
It’s the constant reflection on the nuances of every miserable cycle, the unhappiness of life because of infertility, the obsession with pregnancy to the point of creating poor health, mental and physical.
It’s all that negativity. It’s a serious downer!
I realized at that moment that I have been that blogger. I have had those moments when this path was simply too hard. The disappointments left me too raw. And the emotions, remaining hidden to those who pass me in the hallways of life, were quite simply too devastating.
Who amongst us has not been there?
Yet, we are always given a choice. We can choose to stay in the dark corridors, or we can let go of the story we tell again, and again, and again of our hardships, and emerge into the light of all that is right, and new, and bright, and possible in life.
When I named this blog “InfertilityAwakening” I did so because here I would chronicle the life that experiencing infertility awoke me to. The dark shades over windows inside me I had never peaked through, that infertility flung open. I wanted to create a place for other women, also facing the challenges infertility brings to our fairytales, to find inspiration, hope, and something that felt real, yet also good, and healing, and full of possibility.
So although my own journey through infertility has meandered off of the road and onto my handmade mosaic stepping stones, I still feel inspired to help others find the rainbow not just after the storm, but in the midst of it.
And so, still I write, in hopes that we all may rise to see what makes up the extravagant and tasty filling in the middle of the mud pie of infertility. And I unsubscribe from blogs that just plain bring me down.