Infertility & suffering: Who’s life are you chasing?

 This weekend I was watching an interview with Caroline Myss. If you’re not familiar with Caroline, she wrote the book Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential. During the interview she discussed the concept of suffering. Where does suffering come from? Why do we suffer?

Her answer was a simple one, yet one that struck me as though a bat to the back of the head. Suffering happens when we chase a life that is not our life. Suffering comes when we chase a dream that is not our dream.

So when it comes to infertility, is our suffering the result of chasing a dream that is not our dream? Are we not supposed to have children? And if this is not our life, not our dream, how do we know what is?

Having the experience of infertility does not mean that you, nor I, were not made to be mothers. Having the experience of infertility means that we will suffer when we focus on what we do not have, when we look longingly after other women who conceive with no worry as to the how. Suffering comes from chasing their life, which is not the life we were meant to live.

As to how we find our own dream, our own life, our own destiny, the answer is a simple one: through grace.

And what is grace? Grace is that small voice that whispers in your ear. Grace is that inner knowing that guides you, not with a loud forceful shove, with the soft nudge of a pull you just can’t quite explain.

When we accept and embrace our life and our dream we free ourselves from the suffering of jealousy and longing for that of another. And when we listen to that tiny voice named grace that only whispers to our hearts, we will find our own path to motherhood–the path that was to be the fulfillment of our dreams, of our life’s purpose.

For it is only when we let go of the suffering caused by longing for a life that is not our own, that we can finally tune into the quiet musings of our child yet to be.


  1. Rebecca · · Reply

    So lovely and so true. I also have been taking time to find my inner voice.. meditating has been challenging for me, with my monkey brain swinging back and forth, but if I get in the zone, it brings so much peace. I am so sick of suffering and having a “happy day” ruined by something as simple as a stranger walking by with a pregnant belly… Thanks for this post, I will read it on my fragile days XX

    1. You are most welcome Rebecca. I myself needed the reminder after my sister-in-law announced her pregnancy the day after her daughter’s first birthday party (though not a surprise I had a feeling she was pregnant at the party–funny how the IF have a radar) 🙂

  2. Excellent post. I love Caroline Myss, I have her book “why people don’t heal and how they can” or at least I think that’s what it’s called. She goes through the Christan sacraments and how they can be healing steps. I agree with your definition of suffering -and it’s about being true to yourself.

    1. Thanks Heather. I hope you are enjoying every second of motherhood!

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