I have had that wonder, I have felt that pain, and after it all, I have decided that no, it is not meaningless, it is meaning making.
As I walked the halls of a local children’s hospital where I will be volunteering in the neonatal unit, I couldn’t contain the happiness I felt, joy just kept rushing forth like a burst pipe in the middle of winter. And then, as I sat talking with a stranger about losing my daughter, something I can rarely bring myself to do with those who love me, I found the meaning. I found my meaning making.
You see pain is a teacher, breaking can be an opening rather than a scattering, and we all have the choice to take the meaning in the breaking, or to make the fissure meaningless.
Yes, I lost my daughter when she was five months old. Yes, it was the greatest pain I may ever experience in my life, and yes, I will likely relive that pain nearly every day for the rest of my life. Yet that pain, my breaking, has meaning.
It means that my whole life turned at 180 degrees. It means that those things that held me back from living my dreams, from pursuing my joy, were knocked free. It means that a heart once rounded with hardness was softened to open for the great love that came, and that is to come.
Losing my daughter was not the ending, it was another beginning. Losing my daughter was a part of finding me, a me that would have been lost without her.
So today I hope that you too can find your meaning. I hope that you can look your pain and suffering in the eye and challenge it to show you its meaning.
Because the meaning is there, I promise it is there, and when you take the time to accept its wisdom, your life will never be the same again.
Find your meaning.