My sweet and feisty girl,
My tiny Wonder Woman,
My Soulful Whirling Dervish,
My greatest challenge,
My reason to get back up, every time,
Today three years ago I held you tightly, probably a bit too tightly, knowing in my head that the day was only full of joy, only full of forevers, yet still fearing somewhere deep in my heart that I’d look up and you’d be gone.
I sat with you at the plaintiff’s table, facing the kind judge, and the court reporter whose eyes filled with tears as your daddy’s did the same. I sat with you and I heard them say you were ours, and that no one could ever take you away, that what I always knew in my heart was now in indelible ink on paper.
You. Were. My. Daughter.
Yet what I want you to know today, on this anniversary of your birth into our forever family, is not that on this day you were adopted, you were claimed, it is that on this day we came home to each other. Because I know, in a way I can never explain to anyone, that I knew you before I was even born, and that you knew me; that up there in the great expanses of limitless time and space, you were the key that was made to fit the lock of my heart.
Sometimes people wonder if I wished I had carried you in my body, if I wished you looked like me, or that you had your daddy’s sense of humor. I don’t though. I don’t wish you came any way other than the one you did, through the most loving passage of your first mother, the one I forever get to share the deepest love on this earth with. I see her in your round face, in your mischievous smile. Just as I see your first daddy in that look, the one that could scare the biggest and strongest man alive. I see both of them in your deep blue eyes, and your incredible strength.
You see there’s a secret I want you to know dear daughter. It’s that each of us are of our own making, of our Creator’s gentle touch. And though we come through another, we are of them, yet we are so much more fully of ourselves. We get to choose who we become, and each day I am in awe of the becoming you choose.
You are my daughter.
In you I see so many tomorrows, and so many yesterdays.
In you I see all of the things I’ve done right, and occasionally the places I’ve missed a step.
In you I see why my heart had to break so completely in order that it could be made anew by you.
In you I see a me I never knew I could be, because, you are my daughter, and I am your mama, forever.