Dear Daughter

To,

My sweet and feisty girl,

My tiny Wonder Woman,

My Soulful Whirling Dervish,

My greatest challenge,

My reason to get back up, every time,

My daughter,

Today three years ago I held you tightly, probably a bit too tightly, knowing in my head that the day was only full of joy, only full of forevers, yet still fearing somewhere deep in my heart that I’d look up and you’d be gone.

I sat with you at the plaintiff’s table, facing the kind judge, and the court reporter whose eyes filled with tears as your daddy’s did the same. I sat with you and I heard them say you were ours, and that no one could ever take you away, that what I always knew in my heart was now in indelible ink on paper.

You. Were. My. Daughter.

Yet what I want you to know today, on this anniversary of your birth into our forever family, is not that on this day you were adopted, you were claimed, it is that on this day we came home to each other. Because I know, in a way I can never explain to anyone, that I knew you before I was even born, and that you knew me; that up there in the great expanses of limitless time and space, you were the key that was made to fit the lock of my heart.

Sometimes people wonder if I wished I had carried you in my body, if I wished you looked like me, or that you had your daddy’s sense of humor. I don’t though. I don’t wish you came any way other than the one you did, through the most loving passage of your first mother, the one I forever get to share the deepest love on this earth with. I see her in your round face, in your mischievous smile. Just as I see your first daddy in that look, the one that could scare the biggest and strongest man alive. I see both of them in your deep blue eyes, and your incredible strength.

You see there’s a secret I want you to know dear daughter. It’s that each of us are of our own making, of our Creator’s gentle touch. And though we come through another, we are of them, yet we are so much more fully of ourselves. We get to choose who we become, and each day I am in awe of the becoming you choose.

You are my daughter.

In you I see so many tomorrows, and so many yesterdays.

In you I see all of the things I’ve done right, and occasionally the places I’ve missed a step.

In you I see why my heart had to break so completely in order that it could be made anew by you.

In you I see a me I never knew I could be, because, you are my daughter, and I am your mama, forever.

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6 comments

  1. Beloved Sister, your wisdom touches my Soul just as your words fill my heart and therefore my eyes. We knew 3 years that this was a match made in heaven and now I can almost see you & Helena giggling together on the Other Side, planning the greatest adventures of your next incarnation together! Love you both beyond word’s ability to say. And if it’s alright with you, I’d like to share this with my FB friends too . . . 💞

    1. Thank you so much my dear, dear friend. How very grateful I am to have you in this lifetime, on this journey, with me (and with Helena)! Love you.

  2. Tears, just tears. How I remember those moments…and sitting in that chair just a few feet away wanting so much to just be able to reach out and touch you, put a hand on your back. It is one of the happiest, most moving, days in the history of our friendship. And there is no doubt you were made for each other. Such a beautiful tribute to the love you share, the life she’s brought to your life, the healing that could only come through her, the gift that adoption is…I especially love the paragraph about knowing her before you were even born. You were and are forever woven into the fibers of each other’s being. Love you both forever.

    1. It meant so very much to have you there with me on that special day. You know my heart better than any other. You know the places it’s been broken, and so too you grace my life with the ability to see and celebrate the places where it has healed, helping me to see the gifts in both the brokenness and the mending.

      I also have no doubt that your soul was up there in the ethers with us, watching on and whispering “I’m so very excited to watch it all unfold.” Treasure you always.

  3. Sandy Freid · · Reply

    Blown away. Just blown away by your tender soulful expression and tribute to life, love, parenting, and adoption. I’ve loved every picture and post as it has spoken to me in my heart of the sentiments eloquently expressed here.

    Grateful to witness and share in the love.

    1. Thank you so very much for your kind and beautiful words Sandy. It’s wonderful to share this journey, and her little unfolding life, with you.

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