I wish I could have saved you

My dear sister, family I made the day I married, my dear cherished friend with a mother’s heart most could only ever hope to find within themselves, my dear fellow woman traveling this hard path of life, I wish I could have saved you.

We saw you slipping, we knew you were sinking, yet none of us seemed to know how to make you grab for our hands, how to reach inside of you and pull you out.

I remember the moment I learned you had left us, the moment I knew I would never see your face again, one of the only faces I’d ever seen constantly awash in kindness. My heart sank, and my head swam with all of the words I wished I had said, all of the things I wished I had done, to save you.

I wish I could have saved you.

Yet, even as deep as that wish lives in my soul, also abiding there is a knowing that your path to God took you the way you were meant to travel. I know that even as you slipped from our extended hands, you were enveloped softly into His, into Hers. Cradled in the unconditional love of the Father and Mother God who made you to be the light you were to us.

I see your face in your children, I hear your kindness in them too. The softness that rounded every aspect of your being fills them as they move into the world, into their lives.

I miss you. We miss you.

I see your face shining down on us every day. I see you looking down at my daughter and quietly smiling while reaching to lightly run your fingers over her curls, curls if you were here you’d tell me what to do with. I see you whispering to your children, guiding them through the gentle urges of their intuition.

Mostly however, I see you free. Free of all of the pain, of the quick sand life had sucked you into, the one though you fought with all you had, you couldn’t escape.

I wish I could have saved you sister, yet what I have saved is every aspect of you that touched my life, touched my heart. What I saved was your gentle voice, your understanding ways and your unconditional love. What I saved are all of the ways you saved us.

And even still, I wish I could have saved you.

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2 comments

  1. I hear your pain – your loss – your heartcry – your gratitude – your love. Her children will always be able to feel closer to their mom by being with you. Her Light can never be extinguished.

    1. Thank you dear friend, thank you.

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