Tag Archives: infertility

How do you bury a child when there’s no body?

My husband is a big Bruce Springsteen fan. One of Bruce’s songs is “You’re Missing.” Tonight when the longing for my daughter feels like it will take me under, it is with Bruce that I find comfort. “Shirt’s in the closet, shoe’s in the hall, mama’s in the kitchen…everything is everything, everything is everything, but you’re […]

You Cannot Find Peace By Avoiding Life

If you have ever been in Grand Central Station in New York you have seen the pigeons. They are the birds who are missing toes, cut off in their attempt to climb the escalator to reach the light. Sometimes we too can feel like those wounded pigeons. Life has been hard on us, we have lived […]

Moving On Always Means Letting Go, Always

I wish that I could tell you, after the unimaginable loss of our daughter, and earlier any hope of parenting through pregnancy, that moving on, living again, can happen while still holding on, but I can’t; moving on always means letting go, always.   These last few days I have learned that lesson tenfold, and […]

Where the river meets the rock

“Promise me…you’ll always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.” – Christopher Robin to Pooh Exactly one hour ago I crossed into another year of life. It is 1am; it is April 9th; I am 39. In recent years I have come to love my birthday. As the […]

The day we lost our daughter, and all the days thereafter

Two days ago (could it really only be two days ago?) we lost our daughter. There was one last smile and unknowing giggle from her perfect lips, one last peaceful drifting to sleep in the safety she knows as my arms, and one last reach to her daddy’s cheeks to wipe away his tears. And […]

Infertility, adoption, control: Why we choose the fun house over the ferris wheel

One thing I have learned well through the journey of infertility, as well as adoption, is that control, is a complete illusion. Perhaps the difference for those of us who have journeyed down these paths is that we no longer have any illusion about the illusion of control. You see, control is a bit like […]

Don’t Stop Believing (And Not Just for Journey’s Sake)

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.” – Emily Dickinson Today I began Deepak Chopra’s 21 Day Meditation Challenge. And today’s centering thought was one that truly resonated with me “Today I am open to the presence of miracles.” This meditation […]